Dear Hank:

My partner and I first met three years ago, and almost from the beginning we saw ourselves as a couple. Today we share the same apartment (and the same bed) and have even thought about getting married.

Recently my bae suggested I consider the idea of a throuple, and he told me he was inviting another guy to join us for a dinner that night. The guy was very smart and sexy (he looked like he could be my boyfriend’s twin). The three of us ended the evening in bed with one another, so it’s clear there was…

Dear Hank:

My gay friends sometimes talk about celebrities that they say are gay or lesbian and “in the closet.” Does anyone really need to lie about sexual orientation these days? Elton John certainly hasn’t suffered from being publicly gay. There’s the country singer, Chely Wright, who’s a lesbian. Ellen DeGeneres has had a top-rated show. And I’m betting Neil Patrick Harris is doing okay with his career. Why would a gay or lesbian actor or singer go to all the trouble to hide who they are sexually? Can’t celebrities just use the closet for hanging clothes?

Ina Armario


Dear Hank:

Like most of my friends, I spend too much time on Grindr and Scruff and Adam4Adam and those other hookup apps. I mean, it is the only real way to meet another guy, especially since many of the bars haven’t re-opened yet. But even with a pic showing off my abs and my big biceps and my identification as versatile, this 30-year-old guy isn’t getting laid that often.

I’m writing because a lot of the messages I get seem kinda fishy. A lot of the messages come from guys on Adam4Adam, one of eight hookup apps I have…

Dear Hank:

I’m looking for a boyfriend. I’ve gone on all those apps — Grindr, Scruff, Adam4Adam — and found some cool guys. But here’s the problem: Almost no one wants to meet up for a drink or dinner. It’s all about hooking up. That is fun, but in my experience, once a guy gets off with another guy, he isn’t likely to come back. I really want to get to know a guy and establish a relationship.

My question: Is that just me? Is sex on the first date a good idea if you’re looking for a long-term relationship…

Dear Hank:

This might seem like a queer question, but how many LGBTQIA etc. people are there in the United States? I’ve always heard that we make up 10 percent of the population. But then I just stumbled across a 2020 report from something called GLAAD that complains that in 2019 only 18.6 percent of movies from big studios had LGBTQ actors. If 18.6 percent isn’t enough, does that mean we make up more than 10 percent of the population? Should I expect to see more queers at the Oscars?

A curious queer,

Joe Vial

Dear Joe Vial:

I’m glad…

Dear Hank:

I keep reading that cities like San Francisco, San Diego, Seattle, Washington, DC, West Hollywood, Key West have painted crosswalks in the gay rainbow flag colors. Yuck! If you gay guys are so stylish, what’s with this tacky rainbow flag thing? Don’t you think Yves Saint Laurent, Gianni Versace, and Halston are rolling in their graves?

WeHo DudeBro

The rainbow flag crosswalk at the intersection of Santa Monica and San Vicente boulevards in West Hollywood.

Dear DudeBro:

Well, Halston, Versace, and Saint Laurent died long after the rainbow flag was invented by Gilbert Baker, the gay Betsy Ross. …

Dear Hank:

I’m a guy of a certain age who only managed to come out as gay a few years ago. Being able to be who I really am is what makes me very, very happy.

Now I know I have a lot to learn about our gay world. Last year I downloaded a couple of those gay hookup apps — Grindr, Scruff, Mister. (Don’t worry, I’m not going hook up until this pandemic is over.) It’s been great texting with guys I meet on there (who share some pretty hot pictures.). But the way guys talk on those app…

Dear Hank:

I’m sure you’ve heard this question before. But why does size matter so much to gay guys? (And I’m not talking about height). When I’m on a hookup site like Grindr or Scruff, guys hit me up asking “how big are you?” First of all, my profile clearly states that I am a bottom. So why does the size of my cock matter? Who really measures it anyway?

I’ve enjoyed sex with guys big and small, however you define it. Honestly, a guy who knows how to kiss is gonna turn me on a lot more than a…

Dear Hank:

I’m 50 years old, and since I came out 30 years ago I’ve been looking for “the One.” I thought I found him several times. In fact, I’ve been in two seven-year relationships, and there was one that lasted three years. I actually almost got married!

But each time I came to realize that I wasn’t getting everything that I’d been looking for. So now, deep into my Daddy years, I’m wondering if I should be looking for the Two, or the Three, or even the Four. In other words, does monogamy really make sense? …

Henry Hank E Scott

Henry (Hank) Scott is the former CEO of Out Publishing (and thus a professional homosexual) and an amateur anthropologist who likes to explore gay culture

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