My Parents Clipped My Wiener!
Dear Hank:
These crazy Republicans want to keep trans boys and girls from getting the surgery they need to transition to their preferred gender. I guess the only argument that makes sense is that they are too young to make a decision like that — one you can’t easily reverse.
That brings me to my question: Can I sue my mom and dad for removing my foreskin? My mom admits that she had a doctor slice the skin off the top of my dick when I was less than a month old! In my queer circle, the foreskin is a treasure. It’s the uncut guys who get the most attention, and the most action.
So why is this legal? Most of my friends in other countries also think this circumcision habit is bizarre.
Yours Angrily,
Cut & Clipped
Dear Cut & Clipped:
I’m on your side! But I’m lucky to have not been circumcised, something very unusual given the Baptist community in the South where I was born and raised. I first realized that I was the outsider when I was in the group shower room at my high school gym and saw everyone staring at my wiener. Honestly, I’m more of a grower than a shower, so I didn’t understand why they were staring at Richard — my euphemism for my dick.
And they were all straight. Then a guy yelled, “Who clipped your dick”? and everyone started laughing.
I never asked my mother why I wasn’t circumcised. But now I tell people I think it was because my mother was cheap, and that was one maternity bill she didn’t want to pay.
So, what’s with circumcision? Well, for some people it’s a part of their religion. For example, for Jews, circumcision is adherence to the “Covenant of Circumcision” (aka the Brit Milah). Genesis 17:10–14 says “‘And God spoke to Abraham saying: … This is my covenant which you shall keep between me and you and thy seed after you — every male child among you shall be circumcised.” For Muslims, circumcision is an act to comply with “fitrah,” defined as the innate human nature that we all were born with. That compliance isn’t likely to be popular with most gay men today because the Prophet Muhammad is reported to have said that it also includes “shaving the pubic hair, cutting the nails, plucking the hair under the armpits and clipping (or shaving) the moustache.” That wouldn’t work with the gay leather crowd.
In Africa, circumcision has a long history. There are engravings in old walls dating back to 10,000 BC when scientists and historians believe human civilization began because it got warmer and the climate stabilized. Even today, circumcision is very much the thing in most North African nations, with many of them reporting that 90 percent or more of the men are circumcised. The percentage is much lower in South African nations.
But if their religion doesn’t require that the dick get clipped, why are so many other Americans doing it? One reason is the long-held belief that circumcision is good for your health. There is some evidence for that. The Mayo Clinic notes that circumcision makes it easier to wash your wiener. But it also says boys should be taught how to wash under the foreskin (it’s easy). Circumcision also means you have a lower risk of urinary tract infections, which are very rare anyway. There might be a slight increase in the also very rare chance that you’ll get penile cancer. Circumcision might mean you have a slightly lower risk of getting infected by HIV. But it you take your PReP and HIV meds, that won’t be an issue. And finally, guys who are not circumcised might find it hard to pull the foreskin back off the head of the penis. “The risks of not being circumcised, however, are not only rare but avoidable with proper care of the penis,” the Mayo Clinic states.
There are some risks of getting your wiener whacked, although serious injuries are not common. For example, there have been instances where babies circumcised in a Jewish ritual by a “mohel” (the circumciser) have gotten infected. That happens because the mohel is required to suck the baby’s penis at the end of the ceremony, and if he hasn’t gargled some Listerine he might pass along an infection.
Can you sue your parents? I doubt a suit like that will go anywhere. But Republican-dominated states claim that birth begins at conception and mothers don’t have the right to end an unborn fetus’s life. And they want to make it illegal to help transgender kids adopt their new identity. So maybe you will have an argument to make. You should check out Bloodstained Men, a group that actively opposed circumcised children. Its members include “regret Moms,” who publicly declare they shouldn’t have authorized circumcision. You also might consider joining one of the many anti-circumcision groups on Facebook. One of them, Parents Regretting Circumcision, might be one you can encourage your mother and father to join.
Hank, Richard’s (aka Dick’s) best friend
Questions you straight people can’t bring yourself to ask your gay friends and neighbors? Or maybe you’re just befuddled and queer. Send them to Hank@AskAGay.net. (Warning: The answers will be factually correct, but might not be politically correct)
