Top! Bottom! Verse! But Side?
Dear Hank:
Last night I went through another one of those crazy Grindr cruises (I was horny, and my OnlyFans and JustForFans subscriptions had expired). I had a pretty cool exchange with one dude who seemed to live nearby. We even swapped some dick picks. But things fell apart when I asked him if he was a bottom or a top (I’m a verse!).
His answer: “I’m a side.”
WTF! A “side”? Gay life is complicated enough with the pups and the furries and the bears and the twinks. What is a “side”?
Topher Bottom
Dear Topher (or should I call you Christopher?):
I think you need to take a deeper dive into Grindr. In May 2022, it added “side” to its list of positions (top, versatile, bottom, vers top, vers bottom, side, not specified). That move inspired the Guardian, one of my favorite news organizations, to post a story by Jim Farber about it. That story includes a link to one of Michael Henry’s hilarious videos where the boys discuss “side.” And by the way, Scruff also has added “side” as an identity.
As Farber reports: “Sides are men who find fulfillment in every kind of sexual act except anal penetration. Instead, a broad range of oral, manual, and frictional body techniques provide a release that’s rich in emotional, physical, and psychological rewards. Some adherents refer to these activities as “outercourse”.”
Sex therapist and author Dr. Joe Kort (a self-identified “side”) has been an advocate for side acceptance. He’s the one who coined the term “side,” in a story published in 2013 in the Huffington Post. In that story, Kort discusses the undeserved sense of shame some “sides” face in a gay culture where “top” is the definition of masculine.
“It’s high time for sides to come out and feel proud and secure about their sexuality. Not being a top or a bottom doesn’t mean that one is less gay or less masculine. It doesn’t make anyone any less of a sexual human being,” Kort writes.
“Come out and be the side queen you were meant to be!”
So Topher, just think of the money you’d be saving on lube and PrEP if you were a side! If you want to find more sides nearby, you could join one of the many gay side groups on Facebook: Side Guy’s, Side Gays, Side Lovers, and The Real “Side Gays”, to name a few.
Your awkwardly versatile Hank
Questions you straight people can’t bring yourself to ask your gay friends and neighbors? Or maybe you’re just queer and befuddled. Send them to Hank@AskAGay.net. (Warning: The answers will be factually correct, but might not be politically correct)
